I should be sponsored by Trojan
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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