So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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