you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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