Im at strip club and am horny
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
