It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
