If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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