so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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