i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
