I am in a vortex of obligation.
i barfeds in our rink
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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