I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
we're so committed to being not committed
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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