Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
