Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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