I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Pants are for mortals
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
