it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Are we still banned from the library?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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