I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
