So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
