i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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