Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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