that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
