Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
