I have demons in me.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
