You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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