Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize