She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize