Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Your penis caused this!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
