i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I need to stop coming to work sober
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
