my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
