would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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