He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
