Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize