Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
