someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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