so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
