Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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