i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
