my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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