So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
