just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize