awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I look better un-naked...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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