I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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