i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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