Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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