Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i came on her dog
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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