She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
