i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
