Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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