Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
