I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
