I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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