sarcasm needs its own font
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
