I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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