I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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