I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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