With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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