I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
