Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
