y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
