New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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