She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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