A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have fence marks all over my body
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
