Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
