I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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