the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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