the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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