we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
