The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize