You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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