wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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