So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
