Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
