I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
