he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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