Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
