Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
