I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
