Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just cropdusted the office
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
