I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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