Soap is not a condiment
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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