I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
