does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
