I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
