i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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