I hate your face
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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