spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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