allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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