Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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