Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
