i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
