I need to stop coming to work sober
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
false alarm, still single
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
