Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
