i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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