Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Help. Why am I so naked?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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