last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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