just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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