The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
