dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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