Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
