We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
