Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
