I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
