Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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