dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
