before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
