I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
