Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
