I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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