I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
