whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
