Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
