How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
