there was a trapeze. enough said
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We smell like vodka and hangover
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