I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
