I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
