walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
