The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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