clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
