Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
