so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is Oprah even human
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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