I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
