you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
