I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize