M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
